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GoogleDo you have a scary story to share about the hurdles you’ve faced raising children? Help MomsRising.org collect real life stories about how scary it is to raise a child without adequate family-friendly policies. We’ve found that sharing true stories about the hurdles we face with parenting--from overly expensive healthcare and childcare, to a lack of time with children when they are born or sick--bring the issues to life better than any fact sheet could. Please share your story on our blog by scrolling down this blog page to "Post a Comment." Do tell! And, don't forget to click Post a Comment when you're done writing. (After you've submitted your story here, please also consider letting us know at http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/questionnaire.jsp?questionnaire_KEY=431 if we can contact you in the future to share your story with leaders and possibly the media.)
Women shouldn't be discriminated against simply because they are mothers... but they are! Read about true experiences of American mothers, and learn how shared problems can be solved. Members can download the first chapter of the book today.
Misscarriages and D & C's
Two young women that are relatives, have recently had a miscarriage. One had no insurance and had to wait hours in the waiting room clinic. The other young woman, upper middle class, with medical insurance.
The woman with no insurance who I took to the clinic said that she was miscarrying. They told her to go home, cramping and bleeding and was told to have the miscarriage natural. While I was there, I brought the subject up to the Doctor. I said my mother's generation (80's) had a D & C when she miscarried. My generation (50"s) was told the same thing they told my mother. They said it was best to have a D & C to make sure all tissue was cleaned out so you didn't have to worry about getting an infection.
The other young woman with insurance was also told to go home and have the miscarriage naturally.
I admit I'm too cynical and I don't trust what Doctors are saying and I don't trust what the insurance says or does. I had 2 miscarriages which was emotionally traumatic. I can't imagine going through it naturally.
I've tried to ask different doctors why they are doing it that way. They said miscaring naturally was safer and healthier.
Now, am I nuts, or are the insurance companies and the hospitals trying to get out of paying for a D & C? Are there any doctors or nurses that I could actually believe, tell me whats going on.
Sincerely, Brenda Caudill
Misscarriages and D & C's Reply
I understand your frustrtation over the lack of care given these days. I went into the hospital hemmoraging, the doctor told me I was have a miscarrige and to just go home and wait it out.
I did as I was told.
About 2 weeks later I was back in the hospital again, I DID NOT HAVE A MISCARRIAGE !! I was still pregnant. You could only imagine the crying and pain I was in for 2 weeks thinking I had lost the baby.....WHERE THE HELL DO THEY GET THEIR CERTIFICATES TO BECOME DOCTORS.
The Two Income Trap
Hi Ladies,
This is an interesting article:
http://www.motherjones.com/news/qa/2004/11/10_400.html#comments_top
Why should life be so stressful? We are smart enough to make a better life for everyone in our "super" country. Super is as super does...
Ha! They call this maternity leave!
I guess this isn't too scary, well maybe...considering the fact that this is the response I got when I asked HR how we can utilize our time off and FMLA since we don't have maternity leave. This is the response:
"I would not exactly say that we do not have a maternity leave.... We do make you apply for FMLA which allows 12 unpaid weeks of leave, but our agency policy extends that by 4 weeks, so you could actually take up to 16 weeks unpaid. However, that runs congruently with your paid time off, so if you have been saving your sick time you could have paid maternity leave. When you go out on leave you should use your sick time first, then personal time, then vacation time and you should complete your timecards in advance if possible. In addition to that, NYS disability will pay $170.00 a week for up to 2 weeks prior to the birth and 6 weeks post partum. However, they will not pay you the $170.00 while you are receiving sick pay, but they will start to pay you when you go into your personal and vacation time. While you use the sick time they will reimburse Liberty the $170.00 and then when you return from leave we will reimburse you back a portion of your sick time. FYI, you do not get holidays while on leave and you can't use accrued sick time until you return from your leave"
So, if I dont' use any sick time from now until my baby is born I can take a whole 3 weeks off and they call that maternity leave. No, it's sick time and it's cruel to make me come in sick in order to have time off with my baby. And if the baby gets sick, what do I do?
Ridiculous!
anti-scary story
Hi, I also wanted to share the opposite of a scary story- it could have been better- like moms in England who get 6 months, but I know I was extremely fortunate. I had been with my company about 5 years when I got pregnant and I live in California which fortunately has FMLA and PFL so I was able to take about 9 weeks off and integrate my benefit time from my company with the 'disability' pay so I got full pay. My husband was also able to take a couple weeks off with PFL.
When I came back to work part time, at first I brought my baby and gradually worked back up to full time. I breastfed in my office and my co-workers were really supportive of having my baby there (it probably helped that he was (is) an angel!) So I didn't have to leave him in someone else's care until he was nearly 4 months. That was hard enough on me I don't know how it would have been if I had to do that at 6 weeks!! I continue to pump at work and have a flexible enough schedule to work around childcare hours.
Although I can hardly complain about my situation- it could have been better, in America we should have more time with our children, especially mothers (or fathers) who are starting off without a partner. It's so different from company to company and state to state and even within companies. For instance in our company how much benefit time you can take depends on how much you have accrued at the time of the leave- so if your leave happens to fall at the end of your benefit year, you can only take what ever benefit time you have left. The policy really should be standardized and the leave should be more heavily subsidized so companies like mine ( a non-profit) don't have to nickel and dime the lengths of the leaves and worry about extending too much paid time off and having the woman not return to work. For so many families who are working so hard make things right for their children, the situations are just sad and maddening. Clearly we need more mothers to be politicians... but then way too much would get done in DC... now that's a scary thought!
FAMILY DOES NOT MATTER IN WORK PLACE
I HAD TO QUIT MY 17YR CAREER BECAUSE AMERICA DOESNT MAKE BEING PARENTS EASY. I GOT FIRED FROM A JOB I WORKED FOR 8YRS BECAUSE MY OLDEST WAS ILL WHEN BORN BUT I STILL CAME TO WORK TEN HOURS A DAY. WHHEN HER TONSILS BURST AT AGE 3 I NEEDED TWO WEEKS OFF. I HAD 12 DAYS FOR LEAVE BECAUSE I TOOK TWO EXTRA DAYS I WAS FIRED. I GOT A NEW JOB IN MY FIELD. TWO YRS AGO OUR SECOND CHILD WAS BORN. DAYCARE FOR TWO WAS MY WHOLE PAYCHECK PLUS TWENTY WE DIDNT HAVE SO I HAD TO QUIT TO TAKE OF THE CHILDREN BECAUSE IT WAS TO EXPENSIVE I LOVE MY KIDS AND LOVE BEING WITH THEM. BUT SHOULDNT WE HAVE THE CHOICE AND NOT BE FORCED TO STAY HOME. THEY ALL SAY WE ARE FOR FAMILY IN THE GOVERMENT PROVE DO SOMETHING TO HELP US BE MOMS AND WORKERS GOVERMENT SAYS THEY DONT WANT FAMILIES LIVING OFF WELFARE FOREVER THEN GIVE US ANOTHER REALISTIC OPTION
One of the lucky ones
I am one of the lucky ones. I am an owner of my company, with very supportive partners. I was able to take 3 months off when each of my 2 children were born, then work part-time ever since while still retaining full benefits. As a result, my partners have my undying loyalty. I could earn more elsewhere, but flexibility is worth far more than a higher paycheck to me.
I don't understand why all businesses in America don't realize that offering flextime, the ability to use sick leave to care for a sick child, and the option to telecommute all make good business sense. Hiring and training employees is expensive - why not do everything you can to retain the ones you already have, by making the workplace family friendly? I am proud that my company allows all of the above, and I feel like we are repaid many times over by employee loyalty.
The other thing that appalls me (besides our country's insane lack of family-friendly business policies) is the state of health care in America. Why on earth doesn't every business in the country rise up and DEMAND national health insurance? That is a subsidy that businesses everywhere else in the developed world get. US businesses must decide to either do the right thing at tremendous cost, or screw the people who work for them, AND their families. We need a national program to make sure that EVERY person has access to health insurance. We brag about how great our medical system is, and it is - for a very small elite few. Millions have nothing. I would happily pay higher taxes if every man, woman and child in America could have access to proper medical care.
How can people just say we
How can people just say we can't help you because your case is to old,the children's are all above age and if they want you they will find you.I believe that is a crock because their is families out here who is looking and searching and the children's prombling don't even know they where adopted. like my nephew he went to the courthouse and the courthouse told him they didn't have nothing on this family at all then he was told your family must of move or they ae dead. so image oher children being told that. so someone in the government or legistrators or someone need to help these families now instead of saying they can't thank you peggy
Not often thought about: Birthmothers and Adoptive Mothers
When becoming a parent, most people think of it as pregnancy - baby - child, etc. Over 40,000 children are adopted in the US each year. And for every child, there is a birthmother.
Birthmothers are giving the most selfless gift that they can for their children - a better life. Yet, too often, hospitals and health professionals do not understand adoption. Read some stories on adoption support group lists, and you will find:
- Hospitals that require birthmothers to see their babies when they don't want to. Or hospitals that won't allow birthmothers to see their babies.
- Hospitals that will not give the baby to the adoptive parents, even with a court order, and force the birthmother be discharged with the baby, whom she must then place in the arms of the adoptive parents in a parking lot.
- Nurses and social workers who try to convince birthmothers that adoption is not the right choice, going so far as to say that placing a child is selfish.
- Nurses and doctors who ignore the birthmothers because they are not really the parents of the babies.
Our birthmom was put in a hospital bed, told to stay in bed all day long, without any food or drink. A doctor came in twice. She was induced at 5am, and at 9pm they said that maybe she should push. After an hour, despite the facts that no progress was being made, that the pain medication was wearing off, and she was BEGGING for a C-section, they made her push for another hour. When they started prepping for the C-section, she was left in the bed crying and begging for more pain medication. The baby was placed in the NICU, and only our birthmom's mother was allowed in, and then only for a few minutes. Our birthmom was too wiped to see the baby, but the hospital wasn't going to let her do so anyway. Our son spent his first 20 hours in the NICU, alone, without being held. The nurse said, "We don't like to handle them."
On the other side of the coin, there are adoptive mothers. Although insurance companies are required to provide health coverage for adopted children just as they would for biological children, many do not. We were lucky that our claim was accepted. Many adoptive parents find that their claims are denied because, for the first 3-7 days of life, the child isn't legally theirs. This is a parenting issue more than just a "mom" issue, but it needs to be addressed. While in the hospital, adoptive moms are often treated as though they are vultures, swooping in to steal a child from its mother. No one gives a thought to this woman, who may have been waiting years to become a parent.
We need to have guidelines for hospitals - what to do in adoption situations and how to treat the parties involved with respect.
Maybe this isn't a crisis, but I find it scary that so little attention is paid to adoption, especially that nobody seems to be able to treat birthmothers as regular mothers.
should having a child cause a crisis?
My husband and I have never made earning big bucks a high priority. We've chosen careers that we're passionate about and that contribute to making society better. My husband works in education, and I work for a non-profit publishing company. We're both well educated and successful in our careers, but that doesn't translate to an exceptionally high income. Before we had a child, our income just met our expenses. So when I got pregnant, it created a crisis, both a financial crisis and a time crisis. The financial crisis was obvious: we couldn't live on one income, and even with both of us working, we had no extra money to pay for child care.
The time crisis arose because my company has no policy for maternity leave. This is shocking, because it's internationally known as a family-values company and regularly publishes articles expousing such values. The only benefit I would get was what they had to provide legally according to the FMLA (which treats having a child as a disability). A colleague and I wrote a proposal to the board called "Putting Values Into Action: Why Instituting Parent- and Child-Friendly Policies Makes Good Ethical and Business Sense." After having a brief meeting about it, the all-male, all over-60 board flatly denied all of our modest requests (extended leave, flextime, etc.). Their reason? "We didn't have any of these benefits when we had children, and we made it just fine."
I ended up quiting my job so I wouldn't have to put my child in care at 6 or 12 weeks old (how ludicrous that this happens). I continued my job as a freelance, which meant that I did the same amount of work but with no benefits. With the reduced income, we have incurred significant debt. We have sold our home and moved across the country so my husband can earn a higher salary. I continue to have enormous angst about our debt, but I can earn the money eventually. I was willing to get in debt for a college education; I think it's worth the debt to give my son a safe and loving babyhood at home.
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