As some of you may know, we were profiled in this past Sunday’s New York Times Magazine in a piece by Lisa Belkin entitled When Mom and Dad Share It All. It was an amazing experience to work with Lisa as she wrote this essay and gathered her information, and a dream come true for us as a way to bring the discussion of gender-equal marriage with children to such a large audience.

While many readers expressed their gratitude that that this topic was being covered, others considered the news to be depressing. Statistics describing the current ratio of household and childcare work between women and men are indeed sorely out of balance – as they have been for so long. We can look at this in utter frustration and sigh with the unfairness of it all. Or we can blame men for their laziness or lack of character, and angrily try to force them into doing their equal share.

Or maybe we could collectively open up dialogue between men and women about whether this imbalance is working or not. Are there men who want differently? Amazingly, most equally shared parenting couples who truly achieve equality do so because the men in these relationships desire it so much. It is the men who fight for this still-uncommon arrangement, and who stand up to our culture’s way of giving women authority and responsibility in the home and with children.

Anyway, we are here to say that there is plenty of hope for equal parenting among those who want it. Yes, it usually takes planning and tending to create and maintain. No, it doesn’t take onerous color-coded charts and nitpicky accounting tactics in which couples bicker about who is doing more. Yes, it is just as beneficial to men as to women. No, it isn’t easy, or the right answer for everyone.

In his recent post here on MomsRising, Dana Glazer echoes our strong beliefs that we need to engage both women and men in making this country a better place for families – for ensuring success for all the important work of MomsRising. We’re hoping that the discussion of equally shared parenting will be a part of bringing both parents together whenever possible to ignite change.