I want my kids to grow up in a world that embraces all people.  It sounds so simple, but, as events of the last few years have shown, making that a reality requires hard work, painful setbacks, and for each of us to step outside of our comfort zones and speak up for what is right. That’s what the fight against Amendment One, and for marriage equality in North Carolina, taught me and my family.

People sometimes look at me funny when they learn that I helped to fight against my state's ban on same-sex marriage, known as NC Amendment One. I guess the image of a middle-aged, suburban, stay-at-home mom married to a man, doesn't exactly scream “gay rights crusader.” Of course, I like to think that I would care about equality even if I weren't part of the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) community. But don’t let the husband fool you- I am. Growing up, I guess I thought all the little girls had simultaneous crushes on Kristy McNichol and Shawn Cassidy. As a young adult, I was drawn to certain people and gender didn’t really figure into it. Then, 23 years ago, I met and fell hopelessly in love with the sweetest person, who happened to be a boy. The rest, as they say, is history. We don’t fit anyone's image of an LGBTQ family so you might not think we are affected by the overturning of Amendment One.

Of course, we aren’t affected legally. Our privileged life will go on being privileged. I will go on knowing that if my partner is hospitalized and unconscious, I can visit him and make decisions about his care. If one of us dies, the other has authority over arrangements and estate decisions. I never have to worry about having legal rights to our children. We will go on filing a joint tax return and getting our refunds.

But Amendment One had felt like the worst kind of attack, one that comes from inside our communities. I had begun to wonder which of my smiling neighbors and loving family might secretly hate us enough to vote for such a thing. Parts of NC, my home state, suddenly felt unsafe. Amendment One should never have even been up for a vote. How does the majority get to vote on whether to deny rights to a minority group?

I had to do something. I helped to raise money. I did weekly phone banking. I talked to anyone who would listen. I kept thinking, ‘If it passes, at least my kids won’t ever ask, “Why didn’t you do something to stop this?”’ But when that day came, in spite of the efforts of so many, I still felt like I'd let my children down. I could not believe that in the year 2012, the state we love and call home would have chosen to codify discrimination into our constitution. It was bad enough that same-sex marriage was not legal in our state in the first place, but to actively seek to harm LGBTQ families? It hurt. It was a huge step backward. It seemed like my children's generation would have an uphill battle to fix it.

I want my kids to grow up in a world that embraces all people, that doesn’t have a separate set of rules for LGBTQ folk. The blatant homophobia behind Amendment One clearly showed that the adults of our state lacked even a child’s awareness of self-responsibility. The projection was stunning- "Your existence makes me uncomfortable so you need to go away." We struggled to explain to our children what we couldn’t understand ourselves. It was a punch in the gut. It was a monumental disappointment. I had thought we were better.

Fast-forward to October, when news spread that Amendment One would be overturned. It felt like a dream. Overnight, NC friends who were married in other states, had all the legal recognition and privileges that my husband and I can take for granted. After years of waiting to tie the knot in NC, friends were married by friendly last-minute pastors at the register of deeds office, before beaming kids and parents.

My hope is that marriage equality will quickly become the law of the land the country over, not only because it is so clearly the right and the just thing. We must  focus on other issues, like workplace discrimination. After all, in NC, as in most of the states with equal marriage, a person can marry her partner one day and be legally fired from her job for being LGBTQ, the next.

And, while most of the country supports marriage equality at this point (and that is wonderful for LGBTQ kids for whom the world is becoming a safer, more accepting place), not all of the consequences in the short term are positive. All this openness and visibility means that LGBTQ kids are coming out to their families at younger (and more vulnerable) ages- and it doesn't always go well.

Of the roughly 575,000 to 1.6 million homeless and runaway youth in the US, (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services), 20- 40% are LGBTQ (compared to 3- 5% in the general population) (National Gay and Lesbian Task Force). With nowhere to go, and not old enough to support themselves, they are at increased risk for homelessness, mental illness, substance abuse, illness and injury as well as all kinds of abuse, and exploitation.

Our community, including anyone who cares about the welfare of children, must focus on creating safety nets for these vulnerable populations. Marriage equality is an important step but there is much yet to be done.