There is a significant change coming, and I expect the lives of our daughters and sons may not play out so much like ours as we expect.  Researchers looking at how we live, love and commit have found that women are less inclined to “put a ring on it” and willing to embrace motherhood without marriage, as reported by the Washington Post in this article about Knot Yet; The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage in America.

More and more babies are being born to single women. Very soon, more babies will be born to single mothers than married mothers. And these new moms are not teenagers – less than 25% of single moms are under 20. Two-thirds are in their 20′s.  In fact, by age 25, it is more likely that a woman will have a child than be married. So, motherhood continues to appeal to women, but marriage is getting pushed back later and later in life, and more women than ever are just not marrying at all.

If these trends continue, our daughters may become mothers first, perhaps while living with a partner whom they may or may not ultimately marry. Later, once they have established their financial independence, completed their education, and launched themselves into adulthood, they could tie the knot. We,  the future grandmothers to this next generation, will be enjoying the benefits of greater longevity, but still paying much more for medical care and still working, thanks to the savings we never accumulated as a result of the Great Recession. Fewer of us will be able to drop everything and help with the newborn. Fewer of us will be in a position to look after grandchildren while our daughters and sons go back to work. If motherhood is changing, then grandmotherhood will certainly be changing, too.

I would love to know why marriage has lost some of its appeal. I have a few theories of my own, but I’ve not seen much research. Even more fascinating to me  is women’s refusal to walk away from motherhood, even in the absence of a marital commitment. After all, a new mother cannot count on a supportive work environment. Nor is birth or child-rearing rewarded with much status or esteem. Poor mothers, in particular, are often demonized and vilified in our politics and media. Paid family leave is a hit-or-miss proposition in the U.S., and those women whose families depend most on their wages are the least likely to have it. The public funding available for subsidized child care doesn’t even approach the current need for the poorest families, and affordable access to quality care is sketchy at best in this country. Parents in all but a handful of cities and a few states can’t go to a parent/teacher conference, or stay home with a sick kid, without putting their own jobs on the line. Given women’s lower wages and higher rates of poverty, a shaky economy and persistent gender discrimination, I marvel at the sheer grit these women have to pursue and embrace motherhood with so much pushing them back.

Props to you, Mama. I hope it works out great. But I am still pushing for paid family leave, paid sick days, part-time worker parity, paycheck fairness, universal pre-K, a living wage,  and access to birth control for all of us, everywhere, all the time. When I’m a grandma, I want to be able to keep my job and still show up when you have my first grandchild. I want to be healthy enough to bounce that child on my knee. I want to support myself and never ask you for money. And I want to be as fearless and fierce a mother as you.

‘Til next time,

Your (Wo)Man in Washington